


Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

by macabrekawaii



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-02
Updated: 2011-11-02
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:18:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macabrekawaii/pseuds/macabrekawaii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat is anxious, Gamzee is.... well he's Gamzee. Karkat goes to Gamzee's respiteblock to calm down, sexual hilarity ensues! This fic takes place nebulously WHENEVER YOU WANT but probs sometime when everyone is in the veil chillaxin before Gamz ran out of pie</p>
            </blockquote>





	Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Karkat's sneakers squeak against the cold ground as he paces back and forth, claws digging into his arms. He is frantic, and rage sweeps over his face like a veil. He chews his lower lip and glances at his companion with all the warmth and hospitality of a bear in a beehive. 

"Woah brother calm down it's going to be okay." Gamzee is leaning against the wall, reclining as comfortably as if seated. Karkat threw himself into the other's disheveled respiteblock moments earlier, storming in, virulent in his aggravation with the state of things. The crown of leadership sits heavy on Karkat's brow and he thought, in what can now only be described as an elegantly stupid move, that perhaps Gamzee's derp presence could provide a modicum of amusement or at least a soundboard for venting but no, no, no, of course not, Gamzee just does not fucking get it. 

"YOU NOOKSNIFFING THINKPANLESS BUFFOON IT IS SO NOT OKAY." Karkat pulls on his hair, as if by tearing it out he could somehow pull the thoughts themselves from his head. 

"Woah, friend. Things are okay. Look around you. Everyone's safe for now, we're all motherfucking alright." Gamzee slides off of the wall and saunters over to where Karkat is pacing. 

"THINGS ARE SO NOT OKAY THEY HAVE COME RIGHT BACK AROUND TO POSSIBLY BEING ALRIGHT ONLY VIA BECOMING SOME SORT OF HORRIFIC OUROBOROS OF DESPAIR, FOREVER DEVOURING ITS OWN NOT OKAYNESS AND SHITTING IT BACK OUT DIRECTLY INTO ITS PROTEINCHUTE."

"It's fine--" Gamzee stops as Karkat flails his arms, almost smacking Gamzee in the face were it not for his almost uncanny ability to dodge. Years of using a Miracle Modus will do that to a troll (all those motherfucking items flying everywhere.)  

"NO YOU FUCKING SHITTY CLOWN FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A FRIEND IT IS NOT FUCKING OKAY IT IS NEVER FUCKING OKAY IT IS FU--"  
Gamzee's hands catch Karkat's mid-swing and his nails dig into the smaller boy's wrists as he struggles against his grip. "Motherfucker, chill. Fucking chill the motherfuck out. Motherfuck. Chill. Fuck."  Gamzee's voice is gravelly and low, more akin to a snarl than anything reassuring. His eyes widen from their usual half-lidded state and it is clear that this motherfucker means motherfucking business. Karkat makes a small noise in the back of his throat and relaxes his arms, letting them slip down to his sides as Gamzee releases them. 

"You need to calm yourself the motherfuck down and be all up and getting your relax on." Gamzee runs his fingers through Karkat's disheveled hair before taking a step back. The movement is languid and slow and Gamzee's nails scrape gently against Karkat's scalp. Something akin to a contented sigh builds in his chest, only to be squashed down when the other troll steps away. Karkat, for all his friendleadership glories, stares at Gamzee with his tongue lolling out like the simplest of wrigglers. Gamzee sighs. "Brother, can't a troll get his motherfucking help all up in his best friend's business?" He takes a step back towards Karkat, closing the distance between them. "I am all kinds of worried about you. You let your thinkpan get all overheated and shit, you gotta fuckin let that shit slide. Gonna miss your ticket to the carnival, friend."   
"GAMZEE I--" Karkat pauses and looks up at his friend. Gamzee is annoying as fuck, yes, but the troll sure wears his heart on his sleeve. "THANKS." Karkat's hand moves to the back of Gamzee's head, to the place where his matted hair hangs against his neck. He twirls a piece between his fingers, feeling the slight unwashed grease to it, his claws lightly tickling Gamzee's skin-- not quite petting but not quite not petting the other troll.

Gamzee laughs quitely for a moment, the chuckle rising from his throat and bubbling over his lips like water from a faucet. It echoes throughout the room, and he whoops aloud before diving down against Karkat. Gamzee leans in and laves his tongue against Karkat's throat, lapping at the beads of sweat that have begun to pool at his clavicle. The Cancer purrs softly before quickly catching himself and hissing at the other troll. "CUT THAT TH-THE F-FUCK OUT." He tries to protest forcefully but his voice is shaky and his knees sway just a bit as Gamzee's fingers trail ever lower down his torso.

"Brother you know I am all up and caring about you and shit," Gamzee's fingers dip below the waistline of Karkat's trousers, teasing playfully at his boxers, "you know I am all kinds of motherfucking about making you the happiest fucker there is." He punctuates his words by slipping his fingers out of Karkat's undergarments and gently raking his nails against the skin as he pulls them up. Karkat's breath hitches, and his head droops slightly. Gamzee opens the fly of Karkat's trousers  with quick, nimble fingers. He resumes his position of sliding his hand down to Karkat's groin, this time cupping his already hardening bone bulge. Karkat's eyes widen and he pushes his hand against Gamzee's shoulder. 

"GAMZEE WHAT ARE YOU-"

Gamzee tugs Karkat's pants lower and runs his palm over Karkat's bulge. Karkat sways a bit and grabs onto Gamzee's elbow. "FUCK."

"You can all up and be telling me to stop anytime." Gamzee whispers into the shell of Karkat's ear. He nibbles on the edge of it lightly before moving his mouth lower to Karkat's neck. Karkat bucks up into Gamzee's hand to meet his stroke, silently complying with the direction things are going. "But then you'd be all missing the miracles and shit." 

"FINE BUT WE DO THIS MY WAY."  Karkat grabs Gamzee's head and pulls him down into a fierce kiss, a kiss so fiery and mighty that even romantic expert Troll Matthew McConaughey would blush in shame and arousal. Gamzee works his fingers under the hem of Karkat's turtleneck and ceases the sloppy makeouts long enough to yank it off over his head and follow suit with his own teeshirt. Karkat pulls Gamzee closer, so that they are flush against each other. Their eyes meet, and there is an unspoken agreement of yeah, this is pretty awesome and neither one quite knows what to do next. It's Karkat who makes the first move. He pulls Gamzee's pants off over his shoes (they are baggy as fuck) in a jerky movement, steadying Gamzee against himself as he lifts his feet. Gamzee is as naked as the day he burst from his larval coccoon and his bulge is hard and pointing right up at Karkat and Karkat is blushing so hard he can feel his cheeks turning fifty shades of Fuck-I-Hope-Gamzee-Is-Too-Stupid-To-Care red. He holds Gamzee's hips and continues with the makeouts.  Gamzee's body is hot against his own and his hair is starting to stick to the side of his face with sweat and every now and then he has to cough from lack of air because he keeps forgetting to breathe when he is so busy just shoving his tongue into Gamzee's proteinchute and fuck THEY DON'T TELL YOU ANY OF THIS IN THE MOVIES. Karkat's derailing train of thought is cut mercifully short by Gamzee licking a trail across Karkat's jaw. He sucks on the skin of his throat, not hard enough to bruise, but just enough to make Karkat's head swim. When he pulls back, Karkat follows suit, returning the favor, and buries his head Gamzee's neck. 

"Mmm motherfucker that's nice. Honk honk. HONK." 

It's the honking that does it.  It's the honking that sends Karkat over the edge. The infernal fucking honking that just never seems to cease when he is around Gamzee regardless of what situation they are in. What is the point? He gets it. He fucking gets it. Gamzee is a clown, he likes clown shit, he's a crazy goddamn clown. But he doesn't even have any of his stupid horns is it really necessary to make honking noises  NOW OF ALL TIMES? Karkat pushes Gamzee hard in the chest, sending the taller troll careening against the wall, balance totally fucked. He looks dazed (what else is new?) and the lust in his eyes gives way to confusion as Karkat grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him down face to face. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF EVERLOVING SHITFUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?" He claps a hand over Gamzee's mouth, cutting the top of his hand on the other's sharp fangs as he mashes his palm against his lips, not giving a single fuck.   
"I GET IT, YOU'RE A CLOWN HAHAHA ITS SO FUNNY HAHAHA" Karkat laughs and sweeps Gamzee's legs, letting the taller troll drop to the floor. He is on him in a flash, a fury of swears and shirtlessness.   
Karkat grabs Gamzee by the hair, claws digging into the subjuggulator's scalp. His teeth nip at Gamzee's earlobe as he whispers, rough and quiet against his aural shell. "I'm going to say this once, you miserable shit. I'm going to fuck you until you don't remember your name, not that it's going to take much." He slams Gamzee's head against the floor and ruts against the troll beneath him. He is panting hard as he talks, gulping in air just to squeeze enough through his speaktubes to create some semblance of words. "I will fuck you until you don't even know where you are. I will fuck you so hard th-"

"Motherfuckin do it, friend." Gamzee hisses the last word so that it sounds more like a challenge than a term of endearment. What exactly the fuck is going on? What quadrant are they even in right now? Karkat feels heat rush to his face as he even begins to ponder th8e epic quadrant flipping that has been ensuing for the past half hour or so. It's enough to weave a plot so thick it would cross the eyes of even the most astute of Alternian film directors. Pulling him out of his reveries is Gamzee, now pawing at him like a purrbeast. He looks totally blitzed and, dare Karkat admit, hot as all goddamn fuck.  Karkat unceremoniously strips himself of the rest of his clothes, all but mashing them against Gamzee's head in the process of tossing them aside. He straddles the other troll, pressing his bone bulge against Gamzee's. The feeling is almost too much already and he pulls back, hovering over the lanky form beneath him.   
"TELL ME YOU WANT IT." Karkat grinds down against Gamzee, biting his lower lip as he drags his bulge against the other troll's.   
"Want what?"  
"GAMZEE DON'T PLAY YOUR THINKPAN DAMAGE AT ME RIGHT NOW TELL ME YOU WANT MY FUCKING BULGE YOU GRUBMUNCHING PIECE OF REFUSE."  
"Woah friend you know how to get a motherfucker all kinds of in the mood."  
"JUST FUCKING DO IT."  
Gamzee leans up a bit and his hair falls across his eyes as he laughs softly. He swipes it back with a shaky hand and runs his indigo tinged tongue across his lips. His eyes droop even lower than their usual half-attented mast and his chest rises and falls slowly with every breath. When he speaks, his voice is flat and quiet in a way Karkat's never heard.   
"I want your bulge, Karkat. I want it all up inside me. I want you to use me as your motherfucking bucket, I want all your fucking miracles."

Clearly they have reached the goddamn universe's end because for once in his many despairing sweeps, Karkat is speechless. He blinks a few times, struggling to take in the sight of a naked, willing, and dare he say eager  Gamzee beneath him. This is an image that will sear itself into his thinkpan for eternity.  Breaking his revelries, Gamzee takes Karkat's hand and guides it down past his bulge. He doesn't have to tell him what to do next. Karkat's finger presses against Gamzee's entrance and the other troll keens beneath him, his tongue hanging from the side of his mouth. The words of Dave's human phrase "Hot Mess" flash in Karkat's mind and he shakes his head like a woofbeast, ridding him of such idiot slang. Gamzee mewls at the touch, and it is horrible. Everything is horrible, this is just too good and it shouldn't be good and oh sweet mirthful fuck is Gamzee sucking his other hand fuck.   
"GAMZEE CUT THAT OUT." Gamzee's breath is moist against his palm, drawing Karkat's claws against his tongue, licking at them like they were covered in sopor slime. Sopor slime. That gives Karkat an idea.  
"GAMZEE LISTEN TO ME," Karkat's words feel strange in his mouth, "DO YOU HAVE ANY OF YOUR RIDICULOUS PIES IN YOUR SYLLADEX?"  
"Wha.... yeah brother, always." Gamzee makes a motion and a pie plops down beside the two of them. Karkat eyes them warily before scooping up a hefty glob with two of his fingers. The slime trickles down his hand slowly, like honey let to dry out too long. He spreads some across Gamzee's nook and slips in a clawed finger with little resistance.  He can feel Gamzee tense beneath him. The sopor dribbles out around Karkat's finger as he begins to twist it in and out of Gamzee's body. The Capricorn groans and his eyes unfocus. Karkat withdraws his finger and leans back.   
"IS THIS OKAY!?"  
"Brother why you gotta be all up and stopping?" Gamzee doofs Karkat gently and adjusts himself so that he's leaning on his elbows a bit.   
"I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE READY OKAY?" Karkat's voice falters a bit, and a blush of embarrassment creeps over his face. He can do this-- wants to do this, so very much wants to do this. But he's the leader and he'll be damned if he messes this up.  
"Relax," Gamzee's voice is soft, as if he is somewhere far away. He guides Karkat's head down and raises himself up on his elbows, exposing his nook even further. "Use that smart motherfucking mouth of yours for something other than worrying."  
Karkat does as Gamzee asks, and pushes Gamzee's legs up with his palms and draws his tongue down the underside of Gamzee's shaft. The Capricorn's hands move to Karkat's shoulders to push him lower. Karkat scowls and takes a hesitant lick at the other troll's entrance, his tongue curling at the tight space, dipping slightly into him. The sopor slime is acrid on his tongue and his  mouth numbs at the taste of it.  Gamzee moans and swears at the same time, barking out something in High Alternian that even Karkat cannot understand. He licks again and Gamzee grabs him by the hair, yanking him back up so that they are face to face. Before Karkat can protest Gamzee's tongue is swimming in his mouth, lapping at the insides of his cheeks. Karkat's head buzzes with sopor and arousal.  
"Motherfuckin DO IT." Gamzee snarls and bucks up against Karkat, his bone bulge rutting on Karkat's hip.   
"FINE. FUCK."  
Karkat enters Gamzee in a quick thrust, burying himself up to his hilt. He sees stars. No, fuck that, he sees entire fucking galaxies all jumbled up into an erotic tangle of despair and ecstasy. Karkat thrusts again, and Gamzee arches his back and presses up to meet his movements. It is so. Fucking. Good. He pistons himself in and out of the other troll not giving a single fuck about timing or drawing this out and oh god he just wants to come sweet merciful jegus let him goddamn come.   
"I am all kinds of glad we got the motherfuckin fun times going on now."  
"GAMZEE SHUT UP."  
"I've been kicking the wicked red feelings around for like a whole sweep--" Gamzee's voice falters with every heavy thrust of Karkat's hips but he keeps running his mouth.  
"SHUT. UP." Karkat punctuates his words by thrusting deeper into Gamzee, his fingers wrenching his head up by the hair, claws curled in the messy tangles. Gamzee gasps at the tug upwards and bites his tongue, literally.  
Karkat digs his claws into Gamzee's sides and tears down, sharp enough to draw blood almost immediately. Indigo pools over his fingers in thin rivulets. He pounds into Gamzee and clambers for purchase against him, his hands now slicked with a smear of blood and sweat. Gamzee hitches his legs around Karkat's waist, raising himself off the floor just a bit, and hooks his ankles together, effectively riding Karkat from below. He holds on to where Karkat's hands are at his waist and his own blood trickles over his fingers. He draws one to his lips and sucks idly, never once breaking eye contact with Karkat. Karkat has never seen anything so beautiful in his goddamn life.  
"FUCK GAMZEE FUCK FUCK."  
Karkat's orgasm comes like a mugger smashing him in the back of the head from a dark alley. It is a mysterious force pulling him under the current of his lust, threatening to drown him entirely. He growls as he finishes, raking his claws against Gamzee's sides, adding to the light wounds he made earlier. As he withdraws from Gamzee, spent as he's ever been, he almost praises Gamzee's idiot clown religion but thinks the better of it. He looks over at his companion. 

Gamzee is wrecked. His pupils are fully dilated and he looks about as blissed out as he's ever been, he may as well be perched atop a whole pile of his viscous pies..  The scratches on his flanks are still bleeding a bit, though already parts are crusting with deep indigo. He pulls himself up and leans against a wall, eyes staring upwards and pants hard. His fingers ghost over his still stiff bulge, not quite stroking, not quite hovering completely.   
"Help a brother out?" Gamzee coos to Karkat, his voice all sex. The all of it.   
Karkat moves over to Gamzee and leans into his neck, biting down above Gamzee's collarbone. Gamzee writhes and tries to push Karkat away but he keeps biting and sucking at his flesh, leaving a thick indigo bruise. He trails his attentions lower, nipping at Gamzee's skin and moving his hand to the other's bulge. He strokes a few times, almost idly, as if he had no intention of doing anything other than leisurely touching his friend. Gamzee bites his lower lip and hisses a protest. Karkat licks his lips.   
"K---Karkat please. Please I need this." Gamzee pleads, and it is as close to lucid as Karkat's ever heard him. His voice does not falter, does not fluctuate. It is clear and quiet and Gamzee sounds so needy it's all Karkat can do not to throw him back down and fucking take him all over again.

Karkat wraps his lips around Gamzee's bulge and tries to relax his throat as much as he can. Slowly, carefully, and with all the determination he can manage, he takes all of Gamzee into his mouth. Gamzee growls low in his throat and rocks his hips. The Cancer's bulge is warm against Karkat's tongue and he tastes of sweat, and sopor, and something faintly but sickly sweet. He pulls back and sucks on Gamzee's bulge like a precious treat, making it glisten with saliva. Gamzee's hands tangle in Karkat's hair, his eyes slip closed, and he hums softly. Karkat sucks again, this time drawing the bulge across his lips moving from head to base in a swift movement. His hand grips the base and he pumps his fist, moving in time with taking his bulge into his mouth. Karkat blushes faintly as he finds himself getting aroused once more, and with how pleased he is at his obvious success at getting Gamzee off.   
"MotherFUCKER." Gamzee whoops and rolls his eyes. He pushes himself up on his knees, holding Karkat by the hair. Gamzee starts to pump into the Cancer's mouth, giving Karkat no time to protest.  Tears stream from the corners of his eyes as Gamzee thrusts into his mouth with the same enthusiasm he had just thrust his own bulge into Gamzee's nook. There's a pause, Gamzee withdraws for a moment and looks down at Karakt with what can only be described as the most miraculously wicked smile in all of paradox space-- and then slams back into Karkat's wet mouth. Gamzee comes hard, thick rivulets of genetic material wash down Karkat's throat and he sputters and pulls back, dribbling some down the front of his chest. Translucent indigo drips down his chin and he grabs his shirt to rub his sleeve across his lips. 

"SO THAT.... HAPPENED." Karkat yawns and stretches, moving to sit up against the wall next to Gamzee. The taller troll slumps down a bit and rests his head against Karkat's shoulder, taking care to tuck his long horns behind the other's neck. Karkat reaches back and puts his arm around Gamzee, pulling him against himself. Just a bit. Just a little. Not like he could get used to this or anything.   
"Yeah."  
"THINK IT COULD. MAYBE. HAPPEN AGAIN. SOMETIME. IF I WANT IT TO?" Karkat emphasizes the *I*, seizing a modicum of control back into his favor. He is the leader after all.  
"Now that would be a motherfuckin miracle."   
Karkat scowls, but runs his fingers through Gamzee's hair.   
"YEAH. A FUCKING MIRACLE."  Karkat smiles. 


End file.
